I wish I could say the passing of a year has taken care of all the hurts and questions, and that things are now back to normal. The truth is that some events in life change you in such a way that they become interwoven into the fabric of your soul and who you are, and normal does not ever again look the same as what you thought it would. The loss of a baby is certainly one of those things.
Over the past months, I have prayed that God would show His hand in our situation. Not that He will reveal His ultimate purpose for Lael on this side of eternity, but that we would just see Him still there and at work. And now I find that He is and was present even in the coordination of the timing of the events of Lael’s short life, so I won’t pass by the symbolism of this year, the one year anniversary of her departure from this earth. It’s Good Friday today. It also is the same date last year that Lael died. And guess what? Easter Sunday this year is the same date that we buried her small body last year. We thought we were randomly picking the day our child would die last year, but He knew. Oh yes, He is present in those details, reminding us that He has a plan.
Some of the past months have been the hardest for us. Some days I get caught up in today and the happenings of this world and forget there is a bigger plan. I remember a sermon series our pastor did right around the time Lael was born last year about how we live in a three-day story. I am again reminded how the disciples of Jesus must have felt on that Friday and Saturday, which is where we have been living in our own family’s story. How confusing and dark it must have been for them. We have the rest of the story now, the story of the Easter resurrection, so we can cheat a little. We know how it turns out. But they didn’t really know, even though Jesus himself told them. They still lost hope and forgot about Sunday. Life in the Friday and Saturday is dark and depressing. So I am reminded today to keep the hope of Sunday, that day that I can’t yet see but have been told is coming. I cling to the hope that a Sunday story will someday be revealed in the story of Lael Faith Shoemaker and her family.
You may have heard the song “Oceans” by Hillsong. We first heard it last fall, and it has meant so much to us. I love the lyrics in the first verse:
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown, where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep, my faith will stand
Have you ever been called out into deep waters? I won’t pretend that my feet haven’t failed nor that my faith hasn’t faltered. But I love the fact that only through God’s sustaining grace, my faith will stand.
It reminds me of the verse in 2 Corinthians 4:
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
We are not destroyed! That is encouraging news.
In this family, we are being called to abandon a former way of thinking and to press on to deeper truth that comes from knowing our Lord even more. It’s a scary place to go. It’s a place I want to run from because getting there is an ugly path. It requires pressing on through fear, despair, sadness. It requires letting go of self-reliance, comfort, and cultural expectations of what a “successful life” looks like. It’s often lonely and confusing. But turning back offers no hope, so we press on towards His calling, where hope abounds. We try to remember that we are only in Friday, but Sunday is still on the way.
To those of you still praying for us, thank you a million times. It’s comforting to know we are not forgotten. I will end with an earthly picture of the promise of new life. It’s the dogwood tree we planted last fall in beautiful pink bloom. Right on time.
Have a good Friday!
Lael’s Dogwood Tree
shoemakernews 
Please be assured that your precious family remains in my thoughts and prayers. I woke up this morning thinking about how I struggle with Good Friday because of the suffering that our Savior endured for his children & I have to remind myself of His promise and the hope/renewal that Easter should be for us all. Lael’s Dogwood is beautiful and such a wonderful reminder of the same! I feel honored and privileged that you continue to share your faith and a glimpse of the struggles you face while trying to adjust to your “new normal”. Hugs to you all-Michele, Steve, Dusty and Kristen
I pray that your family is able to overcome the heartbreak that you feel. Remember “all things work for the good to those who love The Lord!”
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Hey Anissa , I love this post. I will need to print it out and keep it for myself because it speaks to me where I am in my life. I think it can apply to many people for all different reasons.
God bless you and comfort you.
Anissa, just want you to know that God has used you and your precious family in ways you could never imagine!! We have a 10 yr old cousin, Morgan, who has battled cancer for 3 yrs now. 3 wks ago, the Drs at Childrens, told her family “due to the morbidity of the situation and the tumor’s aggressive progression” surgery is no longer an option. They sent her records to a Dr in WA state who deals specifically with this type of tumor. He concurred. Morgan has begun to experience severe pain the last 2 wks. They put her on chemo pills last wk which helped some with pain. But, the tumor is now showing in the palette of her mouth. Next week she will begin radiation again. At this point her family knows it is going to take a miracle; but they are very strong in their faith and are ready for whatever God’s will is. Morgan said it best when they told her there were no other.options…..”its going to be okay”!! Please keep her family in your prayers. Her older brother, Dylan,13, is really having a hard time with it. I would like to share your post with them if it is ok. God bless you all with the promise of being reunited with precious Lael one day. “As He lives, so shall we” ! Love and prayers, Jean
So sad to hear about this family. I can’t imagine what they must be dealing with. Please let them know we will be praying for them as they face the dark days ahead.
Prayers and love to you all. May our Lord continue to give you hope and comfort.
Your post is a somber reminder of the real meaning of Good Friday. It now means so much more. My prayers continue for you all. May the redemption in your story be revealed, just as we now know that Easter Sunday is ahead for us. God bless you all.
I can do no better than to echo each response that you have received after your Good Friday post. Your insights and your faith, whether the Friday faith or the expectation of Sunday, speak to so many who search for strength and courage to continue to believe that God’s arms are around them.